I have been discretely following both Paulie Martin and Travis Zajac all summer long, attempting to establish which local parks the two gentlemen are inclined to visit. The plan is to wait until the park managers apply a fresh coat of paint to the picnic tables and benches. When no one is looking, I am to remove the placards alerting park-goers to the presence of “Wet Paint”. Masters Paulie and Travis will be sure to sit on said benches, unaware that their trousers will be marked with lines of fresh paint.
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Dear Boxworthy,
Why do most of the revenge plots involve Zajac? I thought he and Master Zach were good friends. What gives?
Your happy illustrator,
Fris
Dear Mr. Fris,
I have often wondered the same, as Master Zach and young Mr. Zajac do, on the surface, seem to enjoy many hours of bonhomie together. And they have an undeniable chemistry and meshing of skill sets on the field of play. However, Master Zach’s best interests are often overcome by his blinding jealousy and, if I dare attempt a spot of armchair psychology, his inferiority complex. While I would hesitate to diagnose Master Zach with any specific mental malady, it is safe to say he is a young man prone to fits of irrational behavior. I am inclined to believe he justifies his actions against Mr. Zajac with a number of excuses:
– Mr. Zajac is taller, and therefore was given the “Batman” moniker, leaving Master Zach with the humiliation of being called “Robin” by Mr. Pandolfo.
– Mr. Zajac was never highly touted, and thus never plummeted in the draft. (Mr. Zajac has protested this point vociferously on many occasions, pointing out that he was left undrafted as a Junior player, but Master Zach chooses not to see that fact.)
– Mr. Zajac is bigger, and thus gets to play center, thereby causing their line to be called “The Zajac Line”.
– Mr. Zajac is less tenured on the Devils team, and therefore has less leverage to use against Master Zach should he file a complaint with HR. Master Zach may be irrational, but he knows better than to attempt revenge plots against the powerful likes of Patrik Elias and Martin Brodeur.
– Mr. Zajac “looked at [him] funny that one time”.
Judge Master Zach how you like on this matter; I will hold my peace, but only because I am on the man’s payroll.
Thank you kindly for such flattering illustrations,
Boxworthy